Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
