I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
