she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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