I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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