My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Plan B is the new Plan A
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
