dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
