Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
