My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
