just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
