4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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