Your dad touched me again.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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