Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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