i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
