Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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