Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
