Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
