Please, let me fuck your mom
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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