Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
