wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
