I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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