Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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