I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
