Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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