I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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