We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
