Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
