her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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