he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
This is classic penis vs brain.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My butt remains clenched, sir.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
