He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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