Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
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