Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
