Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
