I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
