Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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