what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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