We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
