i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
