Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
