Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
