I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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