All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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