There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
