On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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