Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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