I wish I only lived at night.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
