i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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