Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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