The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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