i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
