you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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