Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
