WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
