Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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