I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
