I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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