remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He passed out mid-signature
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
