How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
