I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
