I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
