About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My feet surprised me
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