I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
