It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
