I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
