Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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