I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
