Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
