Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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