i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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