This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
