She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
