my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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