Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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