I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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