btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
