Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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