Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
