I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
