doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
honey bunches of taint.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
