I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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