you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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