So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
