You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
