Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
