Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
