Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
